i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
