If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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