I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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