He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize