i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
