Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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