Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
