just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
