Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
