This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
