He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
