Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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