I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
