For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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