Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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