my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
