We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
