whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
