Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize