dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
