week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
