I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
