Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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