I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize