I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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