Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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