the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
