hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
