seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
