How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
