in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
