census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
