Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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