you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
