I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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