I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
