I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
