Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize