In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
