there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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