dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
