I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
