You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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