The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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