that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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