its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
