i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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