FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
