I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
