If i come over, it means nothing
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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