Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
