Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
