I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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