Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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