In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Even my vagina gasped.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How naked do you want me to be?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
