my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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