True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The best revenge is premature balding
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
