my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize