I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize