She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
