So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
