Your dad touched me again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
