Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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