So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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