I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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