If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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