I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
